Rose Quartz

17 Sep

Rose_Quartz_hearts_by_ChibiMoonX“Rose quartz is known as the love stone. It helps the user feel a strong sense of self-worth, therefore being worth love. “

” Ok.. it’s just my heart ..”

“it’s alright anything is mendable..even your soul..”

“Dont worry..the scars will be invisible..only you will be able to spot it “

“All you have to do is just fall in love,yeaaaaaap that’s what love is.. falling ! “

That’s what i keep telling myself over and over and over again whenever am approached ..

“My heart will mend,

my soul will be stitched back

and the scars wont be visible..

i read the right books to intense myself to have just the right amount of faith to let someone near..

i listened and saw the right healthy love stories that would cure my heart with serene remedy..

but this i wasnt planning … “

 

when i bought it .. i went home cradling it in my hands as if am holding the secret of my own existence..

slowly but patiently i rested it by the bed..sighed when i made sure that the cat will sleep at my sisters’ room from now on..

“am so ready for this .. all i have to do is just breath”

i picked my night gown to match my Rose Quartz stone,started some Satty .. am getting ready with every cell in my body..

breathing .. walking to the shower,with the intention of cleansing my soul from grudge,anger,grieve and envy..breathing slowly under the warm water..and feeling my tear drops even warmer on my face,in a split of a second i held back “It’s not the night to grieve” i said it whispering to myself and laughing secretly on my childish behaviour.

relieved..easily brushing my hair in the most satisfying rythmatic way .. i love doing that..whenever i have something on my mind ..i just start brushing my hair so i dont have to think about what am doing ..my hands just take over ..

“You know you are stalling .. right? “ scolds to myself.. im trying t avoid the part where i’ll begin wearing my Rose Quartz healing stone..but i cant stall it much longer..

my heart is jumping ahead of me to get there ..by the bed..

im following my heart like a parent following his son that’s been dragging him for the past ten minutes to take a ride on the carousel..

i got there..

my heart is beating so fast as if am on the run from a bank robbery “so much for the wild side in me”

the moment has arrived..

“that’s it..

that’s when my grieve,heartache,mistrust will end and the new aura of clean fresh feeling is taking over”

“I gotta lay down for this..that will be too much action for me to be just sitting down”

i turned off the lights..just had one candle at the end of the room alive and breathing the same cold oxygen as me.

i laid back ..breathing so heavily that i thought am not breathing anymore..reached for my saviour necklace..placed it just above my heart ..

and STOPPED !

i stopped breathing

my eyes are dead closed

my mind went blank

and my heart – poor little one – stopped beating !

 

 

 

 

i waited..

 

waited some more..

but nothing happened ..

i still could feel the void inside of me..

the scars are still oozing with blood..

my soul’s stitches are still glaring and obtrusive..

“what did i do wrong? “

 

the candle died..and here i am laying crying in the darkness .. helpless..speechless..

and my hope for a non painful tomorrow..

just died with the candle ..

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2 Responses to “Rose Quartz”

  1. sleepingspirit 17/09/2009 at 8:25 PM #

    There is a poet called “Rainer Maria Rilke” who wrote this ..

    Lovely joy left Blank, perhaps you are
    the center of all my labors and my loves.
    If I’ve wept for you so much, it’s because
    I preferred you among so many outlined joys.

    If Lovely joy is the center of Love then Hell yes; Love is the unforbidden wine for us,
    So If u have this heavenly boon, have a lil abit and forget the annoying thins and the flaws.

    And for whom have not; If they wept, it’s okay , cause waiting it worth all the weeping .

  2. Cinderella 18/09/2009 at 4:31 AM #

    @ Sleepingspirit: wow ! i love it .. actually this “very short” story is inspired by a true friend and “her and I ” buying Rose Quartz necklace..although our reasons were different but it is amazing how much we will go and believe to have that love and serenity that someone out there is ours..who will think of us..and dream about us..and will be his always and always : )

    btw: love the words :))

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