only if death was known !

30 Nov

i know
i know it has been so long since i last wrote here..

to tell you the truth since Islam death and i stopped expressing ..
good or bad equally !

i started to be pain in the butt more than ever for every one around me..specially the people who are really close to me and i can get to thier nerves easily..

yes the last period witnessed a lot of ups..and shockingly enormous decisions ..

yet .. i stopped expressing .. till last night..

Islam death affected me hugely ..more than i could even imagine..
i’ll let you know a secret for me to go on..
i keep telling myself that he is away .. he got some new job some other place .. so from time to time i sneak onto his facebook account and look at his pictures.. i still cant comprehend the fact that i’ll never gonna see him again (at least when am alive) ..

i open my phone book and stare at his number ..his mobile phone and im not brave enough to hit (Dial)

i cant erase his account on my messenger and one night i found him online !!! his best friend logged on .. !

on the day of his funeral . while standing in the hall  ..all what am saying was (ya rab eshfy Islam) .. !! as if my mind totally blocked the fact that we are heading to his funeral !

it was his birthday two days ago.. and someone of his friends didn’t know he died.. and so they sent him a happy birthday msgs on his wall.. i got to send them the RIP Islam Ali group’s link .. they erased their post and started praying for him !

and yet am blocking that fact !
am not gonna let death win
am not gonna let death win
am not gonna let death win ..

sometimes i really wish that we would be born with out death date card..
so in our ID we would have Birth date and death date..
so when a couple is getting married they would see who will survive the other’s death and if that person will be able to handle it or not ..
or a mother would be prepared for her child’s death.. so when it’s time for him to die.. she would have loved him..took care of him ..enough !
or for us as know when we are gonna lose our we wont regret on tomorrow that may not come .. ever ! to kiss and hug them for life.. to sniff thier smell and embrace our childhood harder than ever..cause we already know how many years left we have to be children.. as i believe when a parent die.. the kid grow up instantly..and they just stop being children after wards !

or for us as individuals .. to know when we are gonna we would be ready (as if that’s possible asasn) ..

maybe … just maybe.. things would be a little bit different then !

i dont know ..
only if death was known !

that being said..
i believe i will start writing again..
i even stopped reading or listening to music .. i stopped everything ..
so i believe i’ll return to reading .. mbd2yn isA !



6 Responses to “only if death was known !”

  1. أمل 01/12/2009 at 1:22 AM #

    begad i missed your blogging :)
    fekret el ID wel death date begad fekra magnoona … w el 7amdo lellah enaha mesh 7a2e2eya … ra7ma men 3and rabena enena mane3rafsh bokra fe eh .. el donya kolaha mofag2at .. sawa2 moot aw ay 2azma la kaddar Allah kollo rabena beyhaweno w bey3adeh
    el 7ozn beyakhod wa2to w yeroo7 … 3alshan el nesyan men akbar ne3am rabena 3aleena
    laken law7ad mestany el 7ozn … 7ad 3aref 7aymoot emta … 7ayefdal fe 7ozn maloosh nehaya wala beytnasa .. w kanet el 7ayah et7awelet le ma2sah w sa3etha el moot fag2a 7ayeb2a 2ahwan men 2entezaro

    rabena yesheel ay 7ozn men 2albek .. w tensy el moot da khalesssssss

  2. Cinderella 01/12/2009 at 1:26 AM #

    exactly !
    although not all people would go that way..some might use that chance to understand the real meaning of take chances..
    to live .. !

  3. Cinderella 01/12/2009 at 1:31 AM #

    ya Amool .. :)) i missed blogging i know myself when i write down something i get it off my chest and i feel better..
    and i didnt want to write about Islam so i wont forget him..that’s not fair !

    the thing is i hate surprises and i hate death !


  4. Hassan EL-Banna Mahmoud 01/12/2009 at 6:45 AM #

    Salamo Alikoum Cindy

    Can you read this link?

    nice story by Dr. Nabil Farouk….

    ALLAH (SWT) Sending SIGNS and SIGNALS to the people.
    Some will be clever and read them, others will just pass by as nothing happened….

    Death is one of the strongest message, so you should not panic or be shocked at all.

    Just check what happened and learn from it…

    And I agree with the 2 responses before me.

    It is MERCY from ALLAH that you do not know what you mentioned and THANK ALLAH for not knowing it.

    Good luck and have good day ISA

  5. Asmaa 15/12/2009 at 9:33 PM #

    If death was known I would check hands with Mr Islam in the conference and I would tell him we can never forget you.

  6. Cinderella 30/12/2009 at 11:55 AM #


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