That I’d Be loved Even when I Numb myself ..

16 May

that’s exactly how i feel ..

or to be more specific .. that’s exactly how i wanna feel ..

that i will be loved even when i numb myself ..

the pain is too much to bear ..

i popped alot of ” numbing ” materials that would allow the day to move in the “fast forward” mode .. and it’s almost 11 pm and the material didnt kick in yet ..

I remember this day last year .. by all the details..

where..

who..

the sms..

the private copy book and what’s the first wish ..

the clothes ..

the looks ..

the promises ..

i guess .. numbing oneself isnt as beautiful and as comfortable if you know you’re gonna be loved even in that state ..

but now ..

you’re all alone ..

to numb yourself ..

drown yourself..

or even worse..

to live on your own ..

to listen to the damn songs and cry every time you hear them..

your body shakes involuntarily when hearing the lyrics of a certain song .. not of the memory cause you avoided that song when you’re happy cause you didn’t need to hear it ..but because it describes how lonely and alone you are .. right now !

i’d give anything for THE hug to cry in right now ..

cause i stopped crying in front of anyone a while ago ..

my tears hurt them ..

and they might feel a little resentment from whoever is causing it..

so i stopped crying in front of them ..


well to sum it up..

numbness..

tears..

hug..

safe

and loved !

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