So whatever !

10 Jul

so is it normal in that weather to actually feel cold?

cause i feel so cold,

so old

and so drained ..

today’s events were too much for me to handle ..

again all over again,

am asked to step up and take charge .. physically ,psychologically and mentally !

when in fact deep inside .. am not all that .. am not !

it’s me who needs to be taken care of ..

today in the middle of all that , i needed a hug to cry in cause it was too overwhelming for me ,

and after everything happened and everything passed i felt like a little girl who just got lost and cant seem to find ……….. cant seem to find anyone actually !

in the ambulance car i was holding Heba’s hand and million thoughts were rushing through my veins , but one in particular cause i know myself better .. and it’s ( Be strong , you cant die on her now )

i didnt cry .. though i felt like breaking down ,

i didnt flip though i felt like screaming ,

and after all of that ..

i didnt talk though i felt like talking !

so now ,

sitting on my bed ,

didnt eat a thing since yesterday ,

drinking tons of water as if there is no water tomorrow !,

my left arm hurts,

my back is pain ,

my mind feels like a marathon runner without the cups of water on the way nor the fans that cheer , nor the promised prize ..and most important no finish line !

my heart feels like .. just tired !

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4 Responses to “So whatever !”

  1. jasmin 10/07/2010 at 1:07 AM #

    who is heba and wt did happen to her?

    • Cinderella 10/07/2010 at 1:17 AM #

      she is one of my trainees ya Jazz.. she collapsed all of a sudden .. it was horrendous !

      but she is fine now el7amdolelah

  2. Ronitta 10/07/2010 at 1:27 AM #

    i hope every thing is going well now Cindy
    i’m so worried about u ,,,i hope every thing is ok
    take care my dear and be strong

    • Cinderella 10/07/2010 at 1:30 AM #

      thank you Ronitta for your care,
      and dont worry about me ,
      Thank Allah am a survivor ..
      and when am needed am strong .. so el7amdolelah :)

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