An Education I Didn’t Want To Learn..

17 Sep

An education I didn’t want to learn..

An education I didn’t want to have..

The education that involved getting my heart broken from someone dear

The education that involved getting to know that “ex-someone “true colors  … Right after getting deceived…

To know that putting your pain in the open will be used to be mocked at .. and laughed at as well ..

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have…

That sour feeling you get to have when you get abandoned by the people that should not abandon you…

The people that should have been there for you… When you get hurt…

Strengthen you.. Have your back .. You know utterly , precisely , lovingly , surely sure they are there !

And hurt you!

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have…

This ache…

In side…

When you know that… They just don’t love you enough? Is “love “the right word? Or is it…

They just can’t “accept “you for who you are? And being around you makes them feel like “losers” so they decide to leave to feel… Successful and happy!

These people that should make you feel healthy and full of life when you just see their faces…or see their “Title” on your mobile..

The people that should be asking how are you? Where are you? And pray for you..

They just had enough and are worn out…!

You drained them!

even if they are correct, and have all the right in the world .. parents DON’T GET to break up with their children ! they are simply not allowed to .. ! they are the safe shore you get to collapse on when you get ” left ” , “broken up with ” ..or abandoned !

parents don’t get to threaten their children they will leave them !

and it hurts .. it really does knowing that you will never EVER forget how your heart was being clutched inside when they were threatening and making their ( I will stay if .. ) list ..

it hurts to know you will never forgive them for breaking your heart … day after day after day !

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have..

That no matter how successful in life you are… if your parents see you as a loser, you will always see yourself as one!

No matter how loved, appreciated, cared for and taken care of…If your parents see you as a weirdo , freak and anti social.. You will always sleep with that thought in your head!

that when your parents ” get tired ” and abandon you .. you feel sorry for the ” ex someone ” .. if they are like that and they are the ones who gave birth to me..then he had the right to do that , in fact you pity him for not doing it earlier !

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have..

That these people and the people you confess how vulnerable you are to them, and that they are your weak point , would actually exploits how much they mean to you ,

Would actually painfully mercilessly push that knife into you more and more each day..

Would make you feel numb, like a zombie..Just because they are making fun of how you are ..

Shaking their heads..

Imitating your voice in the most sarcastic way..

When you know you cant answer back or do anything you just stand still .. praying to God they will calm down and make it from their madness alive cause you just had a dream that you lost a limb and you’re afraid they would be “IT” .. !

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have..

To know everyday…Every single day… That life is ugly!

Actually people are ugly!

That people that walk with their hearts in their hands are the first to be devoured!

And you are one of those people.. You fool!

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have..

I would have paid my life fortune..

I would have paid any price..

Not to be educated with such an education..

I really wish.. Scratch that .. I really PLANNED, HOPED , DREAMED .. That I would live and die and be ignorant from such an education..

But ..

I guess..

Actually I really do – wish – I learned my education well !

So I would avoid “educating “the young hearts of other human beings ..

I really wish my heart .. had stayed as young as it was .. cause.. my heart isn’t the same..my soul isn’t the same ..

Something in me ..

Changed.. !

Sadly..

My young heart just grew older .. not wiser.. but older from

An education I didn’t want to learn

An education I didn’t want to have..

 

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8 Responses to “An Education I Didn’t Want To Learn..”

  1. Neisy M 17/09/2010 at 2:54 AM #

    I cried.

    • Cinderella 19/09/2010 at 12:47 PM #

      me too .. am sorry i made u cry

  2. Menna Gamal 17/09/2010 at 3:08 AM #

    :(

    • Cinderella 19/09/2010 at 1:05 PM #

      sorry that your first visit is that sad :$

  3. Yassmina 17/09/2010 at 11:33 AM #

    Me too don’t want that education !

    This is so touching ya cindy :( especially that part :

    They just can’t “accept “you for who you are? And being around you makes them feel like “losers” so they decide to leave to feel… Successful and happy!

    • Cinderella 19/09/2010 at 1:06 PM #

      yeah ignorance is a bliss !

  4. cutedevilesh 17/09/2010 at 3:11 PM #

    Dear Cindy, I felt a deep heart ache to read that, actually it brings all the sad memories…
    But, I will tell you what I’ve done in order to get over that, I ignored them, ignored what they said to me, I am good and I know I am..
    if they told you that you are a loser then tell them ” it’s your fault for not making me a better person”, if they are disappointed about you and they keep on blaming you on everything , well it’s time for them to wake up and smell the coffee because what ever they dislike in thier children they are the reason for it.
    I know you are strong so don’t let anyone break your heart or make you feel bad about who you are even those who are supposed to be by your side, sometimes they are too blind to see or even to understand that without thier children they are UNWORTHY,
    be the strong girl i know, my source of strength ” as u always r”
    be yourself cause i love the way you are, screw anyone who would even think to make u feel sad.
    I loved what you wrote as usual :)
    and I love you my charming , smart, cute princess :)

    • Cinderella 19/09/2010 at 1:08 PM #

      :) thank you cutedevelish :)
      i love you too

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