My Former Boss

5 Nov

for weeks now Ive had a writer’s block ( lol @ the writer part ) anyway .. it has been like words aren’t talking to me any more !

yet for the past week .. it has been really annoying .. cause Ive been dreading today for the past week ..

am i a drama queen?

like i care about what you think ..

i didn’t want to remember this day with all its tails .. and heads !

well for me death is something that gets to me over and over again .. each and every time ..

so today the 5th of November .. like today last year .. it was a Thursday .. i was in smart village in a meeting ..

Then at 10:30 i was home .. Hisham (my college at work) called me to inform me that Islam my manager died in a car accident in another country !

i made him repeat the info more than once .. as he was talking martian or something .. i didn’t believe it .. (to be frank i didn’t believe it for the first 4 days .. )

while he was speaking and telling me how the other guys took the news .. i was numb .. i was like another world .. more of ( …. ! )

i was standing in front of my mum .. i told her and she started crying instantly .. i didn’t shed a tear .. not one  ! i believe the part that controlled the thinking in me sank !

i couldn’t believe that this was actually happening cause the man was with us the day before .. and for the first time since the first time i met Islam that he would handshake me and tell me (take care of your self ya Mozzerella .. that’s what he used to call me and i used to be so mad at him for saying that ) .. yet i smiled and told him ( 7ader .. w enta kman ) ..

i couldn’t believe that cause i was always on bad terms with Islam .. he always saw right through me .. he always knew how i really am .. he always knew how  i can be .. and in his corcky way .. he was trying to get that out of me !

i hated the guy till my accident on the 6th of July 2009 when he came and brought a doctor with him cause my mum told him how bad my condition was ..

and i started seeing the humane side of him .. i started seeing that he is a guy with brothers at home..never get to deal with girls and so he really doesnt know what to do with a girl like me ..

i really loved the guy !

i regret every negative thought and word i ever said about Islam..

and i really wish and pray he would forgive me for it (i know it’s too late .. )

i didnt cry for three days ..

and then his body arrived from KSA.. and the salat El-Ganaza will be at 6 am ..all my prayers were ( Ya rab eshfy Islam..ya rab 2awem Islam bel salama ) till i realized .. he is not ill.. he is dead !

i arrived later after the salat .. and i stood there in El-Jame3 .. not knowing what to do !

Rana came as well ..

 Rana came with me to work .. she didnt wanna leave me alone..

and i remember the sad walk to the training room .. and entering the room and not finding him sitting in the desk beside hit me right away ! i couldnt believe how cold is the room ! as if i entered a morgue ! as if everything in the room died and what was rest in there was just the skeletons !

i couldn’t catch my breathe.. as if my lungs shut down and decided not to function .. i dont know for how long..but i remember Amani (one of my colleagues) coming up to me and hugging me so tight to let go and then i finally cried ..

i was excused early and  passed by Anis (my other college who was with Islam in the accident) ..and we went to the 3azza ..and it hit me again and started crying again .. i couldnt comprehend the idea that we are here .. at that very moment cause Islam died ! how can death be decisive and cruel !

for a fact ill always be grateful for Rana for being there for me on that day and in that period of time ..

anyway ..

well i dont know..

till now when i think of Islam..i pray for him and bgd i ask for forgiveness..

i really miss Islam.. and i really wish i knew him better before his death..

i remember when he used to get us coffee and buns and tell us (Yalla ya Awlad hgoom )

or when someone says anything about us .. we KNOW he got our backs !

or when he sends me a message tells me ( take tomorrow off ya Mozerella..and we need to make you have a medical check up !

i wish that i could have given him a chance before it was too late..

then again cause of Islam’s death i treat people differently ..knowing that i might regret losing that person in my life..makes me change the way i think about people ..

my current manager..he is really irritating ..yet i love him so much..and each time he does anything that pisses me off..i smile and i know and sure he has a point ..

i give people the benefit of a doubt.. and each time i do.. i wish i did the same with him ..

Rabena yr7mk ya Islam .. and i still say it..only if death was known !


8 Responses to “My Former Boss”

  1. Hea ♥ 05/11/2010 at 6:47 PM #

    I cried ..

  2. Amel 05/11/2010 at 7:13 PM #

    Leeh dayman el nas el kowayesa betsebna badry w fag2a?

    Allah yer7amo..

  3. Hebba 05/11/2010 at 11:29 PM #

    i know the feeling of loosing someone who u were on bad terms with him and regretting not having putting things back on track.
    it will pass. if you feel you owe him anything, there is always a good way to pay it by sadaqah gareyah.
    rabena yehawen 3aleky dear :)

  4. Rawanies 09/11/2010 at 4:50 PM #

    Impressive. Don’t be harsh on yourself dear.

    Allah yer7amo

    • Cinderella 11/11/2010 at 1:38 AM #

      7ader :)
      thank you :)
      ameen !

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