The Monster Beneath My Bed

14 Dec

i cant seem to make peace with the monster beneath my bed; and in fact i dont know how human beings actually do make peace with it.

how do we; laugh, love, hate, argue, waste time working, waste time sleeping,when we know at a certain unknown unpredicted second the air inside our lungs will not be replaced with another?

how are we at peace with the fact that we will run cold, able to hear and feel but will not be able to even blink?

i pretend to be denial so as to go out, see people, eat, laugh and not cry..

because at some point in my life i put so much thinking in the matter i didnt leave the apartment for more than a year, i did nothing but cry (it was my 3rd year in high-school) 

i was never recovered..

reasoning it is not an option, and facing “facts” is what will put me in a state of shock,

and i cant talk about it in details openly with any of the people i love because i cant talk to them about that.. i pray i’d go first before them so that i wouldnt face the fact to be left behind without them, or to see them going through it..

and – i know i need help- but i guess writing about it is something..

or maybe not..but i just wanna put it out there..

.

.

monster underneath my bed..stay there

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6 Responses to “The Monster Beneath My Bed”

  1. Budzaya 14/12/2013 at 9:49 PM #

    Very heartfelt, Cindy. But, if I may ask, why are you assuming that death is bad thing?

    • Cinderella 15/12/2013 at 1:44 PM #

      the darkness,
      the loneliness,
      the cold,
      the burial itself,
      the decomposition of the body,
      beside of course the religious part (if you are good or bad that will decide the peacefulness or the pain of you after death)
      and the process before death (the 3’osl and kafan) .. s3b kolo s3b

    • Budzaya 15/12/2013 at 1:47 PM #

      It’s hard if it is felt, but again, why are you assuming that you will be able to feel of that happening? You are your soul, not your body. When your body dies, your soul goes elsewhere and feels nothing physical. It’s like a fallen hair or a broken nail; you don’t continue to feel their “suffering” once they are separated from your body.

      Am I making sense? Lolz

    • Cinderella 15/12/2013 at 2:59 PM #

      yes you are making sense,
      yes we are the soul and not the vessel,
      but then how will we feel the part with the “kafan, ta3’seel, and the 7esab elqabr”?

      and it’s their the late one for us to feel, not the body but the soul.. am i making sense?

    • Budzaya 15/12/2013 at 3:34 PM #

      You’re making a lot of sense, but, if I may, let me tell you that 3azab el kabr is only a theory. As far as I know, there is nothing about it in the Holy Quran and all the a7adeeth that mention it are very weak.

    • Cinderella 17/12/2013 at 9:44 AM #

      the horror of it is indescribable

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