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Brain’s blah 

29 Apr

Dear whoever,
Whenever my bra is showing you make sure to let me know by that superman melting iron stare as if my pound of flesh is about to be reaped!

But let me Ask you this,

Is my confusion showing?

Do My midlife crisis thoughts that are taking over my head That actuall sound like fucking hell of ideas showing?

Is my internal voice that is screaming hysterically get out get out showing?

Are my words that you know nothing about except the ones that sound usual to you but alas, the ones that are actually me, showing?

Are my crazy ultimatums sound hysterical to you as the sound of my squeaky voice when am funny?

Are my fake sorries more sincere to you than my honest before i-drift-away-to-my-small-death confessions?

Are my attempts to run away to a new land not clear enough that i am really scared the shit on me from me?

I am so fucking sure that if i let me out things will get out of hands..

and fuck i am scared!

I am so fucking scared and i am so lost and so alive and so alone and so sincere right now that i feel like a feather.

But me is still weighing me down

THIS is weighing me down

and fuck

I am down

Again

To you

Earthly from dirt and dust creatures,

Face-worn smiling..

 

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The Monday From The Land Of Regret

6 Feb

One of those days when you just keep asking yourself, why am i doing this?

I could just pack my cats and go!

Couple of blank lonely pages, music earbuds and a handsome yellow pencil would suffice.

Off the grid, on the roads.. then I remember the passport that owns me.

I care deeply for my rain, i miss deeply the cold, the walks, the warmth of my favorite neighborhood, then I remember i grew up and out

..

Oh well,

Meow!

16th November 2016 – 1:44 PM

25 Dec

You think you know but you dontYou think you cant then you can

It’s that paradox that keeps us moving, waking up everyday, on that hope to be proven otherwise for our own happiness sake, companionship or peace of mind.

That paradox of life, that make us believe that pain might lead to love or heartbreak will have a closure.

We feel incongruence and we glue our puzzles together, hoping the paradox will be in our favor..

Over

And over again

The Aftermath Of A Nightmare

12 Nov

What if all the conspiracy theories that you denied were the truth? And the truth you believed in were the lies?

What if all the lefts were rights?

And all the rights were wrongs?

What if you found everything you didn’t write down and thought you would remember are written somewhere in a parallel universe waiting to happen?

What if you are actually awake in your dreams and your “daily life” is when you are asleep?

What if all of your dreams were snapshots from your before lives crawling their way up from being buried in your brain?

What if the moon is our original habitat and every month our families there are signaling us to see them through a full circle bright light and we are abandoning them over and over again?

What if all our anxieties are omens from our future self to be careful?

And what if; what we feel in a heartbreak was how death feel like and we are living the afterlife?

And what if there is no love in the world and thats us as corpses imagining THIS feeling so the tomb wouldnt feel so cold?

And what if all the times you felt goosebumps was because your name was said from far away future and past that you never were in and never will live?

Read too fast, Sigh too Slow Kind Of Poem

27 Oct

For the love of life in our heart,

for the love of vivid dreams and the sound waves breaking.

For the love of every breathe taken between crying phases,

For the love of dresses, knee high dresses with summer patterns and all the sand that sneaked in and hid in the pockets,

For the love of the whys and what ifs, for the love of the nos and some of the yeses,

For the love of the maybes and the maybe nots,

And for that one deeper sigh, that extra part that starts when the first one is about to end as if the latter was not enough for your soul to scream why,

For the love of all the sighs in the forgotten dreams and the pain of only ifs,

For the love of the second chances, lost romances and the ones who got away,

For the love of promises, kept promises and been present, and who are here to stay,

For the love of please just leave and let me be on my own sinful wishes,

For the love of every single tear that rolled down in the middle of songs, poems and cello pieces,

For the love of stolen kisses, touches missin, and whispers that make people smile,

For the love of freedom

For the love of freedom my heart

Just end THIS sigh,

Already..

The ugh

22 Oct

Why a no should be justified? Why it always has to follow with “because”?

And why is it that we do say “sorry” when we say no?

Why cant it just be a no? Like a yes is a yes. Why a no cant just be a no?

From where did we get the idea that no is rude? Or we have to be apologetic after it whether we are actually apologetic or not?

That pretentious notion only makes a normal no tastes bitter that we have to sweeten the sentence after it with some unmeant words.

Am 32 and still asking these stupid questions because as a world we live in societies where you always have to be “fine” with everyone, everything and everywhere or else..!

Not Quite My Tempo

17 Oct

Why is it that we settle for friends, lovers, jobs, food, movies, books or even music; that arent “quite our tempo”?

When did we silently agree to just nod and smile and accept them into our lives when we are not the same tempo?

I understand diversity is a blessing, yet the problem arises when we keep these “unlike tempos” around for long.

They basically silently -again- convince you that you are the one that is out of tune -which might be true-but frustrating as it is: THIS IS YOUR OWN TEMPO!

Now, let me ask you this; how long will you keep on tapping to a tempo that is not yours, so many different tempos around you that they overwhelm you and not in a good way?

How long will you keep on listening to these strange to your ears and heart tempos? 

And if you found no other tempo around will you keep clapping till you find something else to clap on or will your own alone tempo suffice, even if just for a while?

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