Dad

had my bath..felt better under the running water..washing away every confusion ..illusions .. delusions and stress i felt or even dreamt abut it..

sat there holding my coffee listening to Michael Buble (home) made me remember dad..

how he chose .. decided and lived with his decision to be alone in another foreign country.. to live there as if he doesn’t have any family he belongs to .. or for that matters it belongs to him..

sometimes when i need him the most.. i curse the fact that i cant be angry with him..that i miss him to that extend and that i will hate myself thousand times if anything happened to him and he is that far away from me..

…pause..

sorry i could not help but crying..

we are good phone buddies .. : ) but ..ahhhh

the thing is am afraid one day he will regret his decision .. i don’t want that to happen.. he has a lot of decisions he regrets already ..

but i love him.. cant completely forgive him yet i can understand .. but that child part in me .. the little girl he used to dance with and teach how to dance the Vales..singing to me a song he improvised while moving describing how he felt when he first saw me.and that I’ll always be his little doll..and how happy sad he will be when he gives me away in my wedding .. now i wonder if he will even be there (in case it happened )  .. cant forgive that HIS decision cost me a lot of precious moments : )

here is the song btw :

Home

and here is a song i love .. i smile and kiss him when i play it :

Molly SMiles

i really miss u..miss how much in common we have.. winter.. swimming..reading..good music .. ice cream !

miss u..

so much !